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Passer By

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a Fall in miles [07 Mar 2011|09:21pm]
[ mood | curious ]

I want to talk to you but the words do not come.
Every where I look it's just another scene to be rescued from.

And maybe I've just imagined everything
or at least wished because no one seems to let me forget.

I can only think of the loneliness in running away
and how I'm afraid of everything.

I have been wandering.

where did I go?

I never met a leech that was good at "goodbyes"

I need a sense of self, I need to know what to do next, I need to be stronger, but first I need a hug.

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band stuff [16 May 2007|10:34pm]
So I'm in this band.

and we're performing.

you should come out.

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Reflections [16 May 2007|10:09pm]
So I met the guy who wrote bringing out the dead. He was buying three crap books at discount price and I was his cashier. Hmm..

Question: Are all writers assholes?

if so, maybe I should become one.
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I don't ask for much but.... [02 May 2007|01:36pm]
2007 Battle of the Guitar Gals - Vote for Plastiq Passion

2007 Guitar Gals Battle
Vote for Plastiq Passion

You can vote once a day YO.

so go vote for us. please.

......pretty please.
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smells like wet towel farts [28 Apr 2007|10:09am]
I awake alone.
The room is spinning and everything is a complete blur
I don't want to get up
..and yeah sure I haven't forgotten the fact that there are millions of people worse off than me. But im willing to trade for someone who's gonna die really soon.
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[22 Feb 2007|05:07am]
where did the time go?
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Dental Floss [21 Jan 2007|07:21pm]
this is completely unhealthy and I need a vacation from you.
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Fallacy that is pathetic [23 Jul 2006|11:25pm]
I love you but I'm not in love with you.....

Words I hear so often. Why do people do that to one another? Why do they make plans for the future with each other just to have it all taken away by those words? Life may be fair but love sure isn't. I can say that I have found a resolution, a sort of awareness. I love and don't expect nor need it returned. I try not to talk of children not yet born or lives not yet lived because today I may be her and tomorrow I may not. I wish other people would see that. I wish the world would see it. Maybe things would be a lot different. A lot. My stomach hurts from witnessing the heartbreak of another. It's just another plan flushed down the toilet like a ring.

I wish I could save and she's absolutely right. This is too much. I can't deal with things like this. I wish she could find peace but she's holding on ever so tightly to something that walked out the door weeks ago. You can't make a situation better by being in the same room. let go, let god.

it just seems that lives like walls are crumbling down all around me. I am unprotected from the debris, still in the process of rebuilding my walls. You hurt I hurt.

I am slightly envious of new relationships. Maybe she is right and I just keep meeting the wrong people. People who live in heartbreak and fear of themselves and love. People who take what I so willingly give up. Maybe I need to stay away from people. Maybe I belong in sometime that isn't now, maybe yesterday or tomorrow. But it;s hard to find the right people who want you around and who want to talk to you.

What I want is clinginess. Someone who absolutely cares and calls just because. I want someone I can talk to without end. I just want one now and maybe 10 more later. Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm not good enough for their shoes or time. I wish I wish. an love. I want people to understand I don't love with intentions. I just like the way it feels underneath my skin. And how it makes one feel alive. Heartbreak is when dams are built to prevent the flow of things. Rivers, a lot like love, flow with grace and such a gentleness. And given time it changes its coarse. But fearful people build things to block it. To keep it, to change it, or to prevent it from flooding the city. What they don't know is that it's a force all on its own. It will overflow and kill everything and everyone even itself. It will veer off what you had planned and go where it so desires. I wait for a day when someone says...

just let it be.

all this wanting and waiting.
how to live in this world.

And I am shrugged off once again. I should be used to it.
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End of the world. [21 Jul 2006|08:21am]
I know you don't

But I'm still in love with you.

And I still want to write about it.

But I won't let myself.
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I have betrayed myself [21 Apr 2006|12:16am]
walking on the pier tonight just opened my eyes wide and my heart wider..

I miss her


with every fiber of my being
and I'd do anything to get her back
to get that feeling back...
but moving backwards is forbidden in this society.

So I don't know what to do.
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[26 Mar 2006|06:11pm]
They are not your friends!!

a thought that passes through me everytime..

cure your blues, purples, blacks by taking another swig
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[12 Feb 2006|12:45pm]
I remember when I used to think this all was important.
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[16 Oct 2005|04:21pm]
I'm a horrible person. Perfect human being.
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Walk [16 Oct 2005|04:08pm]
I finally can get some rest. Shut my eyes and say goodbye to the world around me. I'm shelfish so I was told and I don't care much about anyone or anything they say.

So what if you have problems. Shrug 'em off, they say.

I'm breaking so easily without a sound or a whisper.

....And what kind of a friend are you to not even notice.
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Friends are too short and few. Goodbye to you. [27 Sep 2005|11:13am]
I just realized I miss You,.
....kinda,sorta,maybe...really alot

It seems everyone is feeling the same. But things are so very different. I wonder where all my feelings went.

why don't I ever get messeges like that from you?
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Today, yesterday, tomorrow. [21 Sep 2005|12:40am]
I can't sit right on chairs after having my back slammed into the lock thing of the stores. They should put lights around it. It's really dangerous. Life is just full of ups and downs mostly downs.

Leaving Messeges on my phone is the key to my heart.

I hate knowing when I have to say goodbye.
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And the list goes on... [02 Sep 2005|04:17am]
Got my lip peirced
got a girl's number
Met a friend of my best friend who I haven't spoken to in months
got paid for moving a bunch of shit around...

Who knew I was soo cool..

I'm liking this my life now..Making new connections making old ones. Asking people on the street randomn questions with Joe and placing bets on their answers. I win of course. Now all I have to do is hope that by tomorrow there will be some kind of miracle where I lose like 50 pounds and then I would be all set...

But maybe I'm asking for too much now.

You'll always find something wrong in a sea of greatness
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She looked at him and smiled at me. [29 Aug 2005|04:47pm]
Today is school and infact I should be there.
But I'm just a figment of my imagination.

I've realized that my life is just a jumbled mess of realizations. And I'm that girl that if I have nothing you want I'm easy to forget.

resist you
resist me
resist we do constantly..

You're my addiction

I should damn my mind.

lets pretend for a day I'm someone new. someone special. Or not.

Performing for an empty room of empty seats must be fulfilling.
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Dinner with Joe [27 Aug 2005|02:30am]
It's Joe's birthday. Happy birthday Joe! I had dinner with him at fridays. Everything is made into an adventure with him. I'm slowly getting back on track with everything. I need new friends or at least old ones. I can't dail numbers my fingers are too fat.

breathe in it's coming to a close.
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Your add my bad [26 Aug 2005|05:09am]
While smoking half of my last cigerette and watching the remaining days of summer pass by in what seems a long flash I realize how much I don't miss. I'm glad that this band has some where other than an apartment to practice in and maybe tuesday we'll all be in the same room. I'm liking this whole online bookshop thing. School starts monday but I don't really want to go. There's really no point. I don't think I'll ever finish. Past couple of days have been really interesting. As Joe would put it two birds with one stone. I've made a list of things I want to do before the year is out, but funny thing about my lists they never get done:

1. Learn to fake it
2. Move out
3. Hammer my chest shut
4. Attend 99$ of my classes
5. Pass my classes
6. Get a J-o-b
7. Practice more
8. Get rid of useless junk I have
9. Paint more
10. write more

Not wanting and still wasting away.
How to die when you've already died before.
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